Day 59. a Hand.

I promised myself something today.

and its that i'll start listening to what my damn wrist says.

don't fret. it happens. life happens.

just let it be.

<3

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

Day 58. reflect..ion?

Long weekend, i'm exhausted. But its helped me get through it.

This is how i've seen myself for a while..but i'll put the pieces back in order soon..i hope

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 57. game

Games..with friends..sort of..seeing how everyone was doing otherwise..we still synced in conversation..thats what counts!

too bad i didn't get to actually play. some people do not know the definition of "team"

(cough)

:)

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Question: would you go to a photo studio named PETUNIA PICKLEWATER? You're nodding your head right? I love you.

Day 56. A connection

i sometimes find myself unable to feel a connection..whether it be with others..or myself..lately..its been a war with myself...i feel as if im standing on the other side of the window..and i simply can't hear myself...

 i wish i would just..let myself in..its awfully cold.

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

55. No title

Sometimes..though it hurts..there's things we have to do..we know what they are..its just..actually doing them..that is the difficult part.

but I'm ready.

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 54. Photo by camera Phone

ha..i messed around with today's criteria. 

i wish.

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

Day 53. Free choice #2

I remember alot of my childhood..good..as well as bad..but i rarely remember time together..

its weird. Maybe that's why i admire other families..the way families connect..its fascinated..simply because ours had so much trouble doing so.
Then again..its hard to connect to anyone nowadays.

Eh. Long day. 

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

Day 52. Portrait: pamela Mercado

 

This is Mrs. Pam. I chose her for today's criteria..because i just HAD to..the aroma of delicious dinner filled the entire living room..and i had to photograph the person responsible for it. She is a lovely woman...with flaws like any other person..but i think her strength as  a mother is what i admire. She has something i have noticed in the amount of time i have known her..an interest in every bit that has to do with her family's life. And though you may ask.."HOW SO?" She simply does..she takes care of the little details such as making sure everything in Miss Sofie's shower was perfect..to making sure the dogs are fed before Mr. Mercado gets home from work. She's thoughtful..sweet..caring..a mother who will do anything for her children. Did i mention she cooks heavenly?

<3

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 51. A Sunday's thought.

I woke up to an incredibly bright window...there was snow everywhere..and although there was no stars last night..just snow..snow..and more snow..i'm wishing this week to be a bit easier..

Just hoping.

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

Day 50. family

Israel Cruz..he's named after my brother's late best friend. I remember as a newborn Izzy was in the hospital for about a month...unable to breathe or eat on his own..but since then..he has just grown..to be my little munchkin. He is oh so feisty..with such a hot temper..a smart attitude..witty..and a very bad mouth at times..i have to say..he has that of me..well..all five characteristics. Though we usually say things we shouldn't say..we pretty much both mean well..we just go "KABOOMPOW" every now and then.. he is smart..hilarious to be around..and honestly he has the best comeback remarks to anyone who crosses his path.

My nephew. <3

Love..Love..Love..

-Linda Cruz

Cookies and Cream!

Day 49. self Portrait #4

I think we all test fate..we all do things we shouldn't do..yes..they're called mistakes..and they shock us..in more ways than one..BUT maybe..they are simply necessary .  If we don't learn what is wrong...how will we ever know what is right?

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

Day 48. A different Perspective

Some view scars..as..painful..memories..

well..These are my scars..and i'm lucky to be where i am..because of my sorrows...i'm able to see life differently.

 the scars are part of who i am. and im not ashamed of them anymore..We all have scars..just some are more noticeable than others.We scar in order to heal. Some of us..in different ways. Sometimes..not the most healthy ways..but we learn to love ourselves..even  ESPECIALLY  with our imperfections. Maybe people should see some scars..as a triumph towards life..a way of saying

" HEY LIFE..I WAS HURT..BUT IM STILL HERE..BRING IT!"

You live. and learn.

Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz

p.s. my background looks like the Coors Light box, hmm.

Day 47. Rainy Day

There's beauty..even in the darkest days.

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 46. Long exposure #2

It's like you're there..but not there...

My talented and dear friend Angel helped me with this shot today..if it weren't for him..i would not have been able to get the lighting or composition correct..but after an hour or more probably of trying..i got the shot i wanted. Thank you for the patience! and for listening to my most saddest thoughts...i cannot thank you enough.

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 45. definitions of Love.

. Love..I believe..is the greatest pain that a person can endure..but also the greatest happiness.. But..it is a balance..Sometimes..we give without expecting..we give our heart..in one hand..without limits..and our other hand is left empty..Love is giving all of you..while someone else gives half of them..with nothing received in return..no promises kept..no love kept..and all your left with is a stained shirt. and a few memories here and there.

Love is a balance.

Love is being able to rip your heart out for someone..to be able to give..without receiving.
Love..is a sweet kiss against a car..being unable to breathe but wanting to feel.
Love..is saying goodbye.
Love is ..what makes you feel alive..and dead..all at once.

but..like any other scars..you heal...maybe not today..maybe not tomorrow..

but one day.

Happy Valentines.

xoxo

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 44. an important Person

Yesterday..I had my lunch break. I text him to meet me. and as we're in the drive thru for in n out..he asks me whats wrong..i couldn't stop crying.

he Just puts his hand on my leg. I feel like everythings gonna be okay. So sobbed..and sobbed..and though he is quiet..its calming..its soothing..its helpful..just to have him there..you know? who you my ask? well.. This is my brother. Adrian Cruz. The middle child. Though our relationship isn't as close as i wish it would be..he is there for me..as i for him. He's the hilarious dude at parties that gets drunk and makes you laugh and sing to a speaker..he's the person that will yell at you when you're being a jerk..just to remind you to get back to reality..he's the hopeless romantic searching for his dirty blonde haired unicorn. The intellectual in a crowd full of nothings.  I love him so much. I wouldn't be able to do anything without him.

My important.

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 43. A step.

This morning..was one of the hardest ones in my life. I have realized..to let go..and live happily..you need to be able to find peace within yourself. I've made mistakes in my past..but i don't think i have ever tried so hard to be a better person than i have in the past months. Everything takes time..and as someone told me..maybe its not you thats wrong..its the time. Sometimes..there is wrong times for everything. and Though it hurts..it might break me at the seams..i've learned to accept. Because i Have nothing else but to accept. Accept time..accept life..and accept anything that may come my way..for in this life..we only have control over ourselves..no one else. as i write this..my heart seems to break more and more. I lost a best friend..a star to me..but i also lost alot of myself. I lost a part that makes me me.. But...anything i have lived..will help me surpass anything..it has to make me stronger ..it has to. Even if i feel alone nowadays..because to be quite honest..no one will help you as much as you can help yourself..no one can..its ironic..one of the worst mornings..and my mother's packing at the moment..i can't stop her..i can't save her. I can only be my best. Sometimes the best decision is to remove oneself from a situation..that hurts..because in this world..we are our own worst enemy..because we know what makes us suffer..and we prolong it.  I can't prolong this. and though i might fall apart..day to day..i know one day i'll be okay. It's part of growing up. Accepting your failure. I accept mine.

Its a STEP..to growing up.

Accepting.

Love..Love..Love..

-Linda Cruz

Day 42. Sofie's World Episode #1

This is Sofie...FINALLY met her today.She is the most beautiful perfect little bundle of sunshine i HAVE ever seen. Soon as i got here today..we rushed to the clinic to get our flu and whooping cough immunizations to be able to visit little Sofie..and let me tell you..it was a small price to pay to see her. Though my arm is currently throbbing (and i heard it is yet to feel worse) i am completely happy i did it..and feel honored to have been able to hold her. Mommy and Daddy look absolutely in love with her..and who wouldn't..JUST LOOK AT HER..we caught her sleeping..but seeing as she is our model..you will be seeing alot more of her as the year progresses. i already love her. She's sunshine. <3

Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 41. Somewhere Quiet.

I love libraries. I love books. Something about the vibe..feels sexy. is it that i can't talk loud? Is it that even though i open each book oh so quietly..it still manages to make noise as each page passes my fingers? so many rules! so many chances to break them!! Haha. :) Either way..its a useful place.
Just get lost in words.
Love.Love.Love.

-Linda Cruz 

Day 40. Free Choice.

Today's photo was free choice. No criteria in particular. So i chose..my feelings today. "Nuff said"

My eyes are swollen. 

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 39. Macro #1

Sighs.

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 38. What I'm up to today...

My day off today. Sunny outside..Lovely outside..so i picked up a loaf of bread..blared radio..and headed to the Lake by myself..and here we go. I love coming here. I forgot how calming it is. My dad used to bring us here when we were little..and i was never afraid of the ducks..though they used to seem so huge to me..now i just realize..though they are just DUCKS..they're lovely. Ha.

Even if they do try to bite your hand off.

xoxo

-Love.Love.Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 37. Self Portrait #...2?

It was superbowl SUNDAY!! Work was insanely busy today. and guess what? Sofie was born today!! <33 Since i still can't meet her..i still had to dress up and show my sportsmanship for today's game. and..Green Bay won! Soon as i walked into the room..everyone was laughing at me...and i knew it would happen..and it felt good..even being laughed at..don't hate! Haha..i had fun. My hands were sweating terribly..as was my face..if you can tell by the little spots...and dude behind me kept freakin' talking crap. So...i stayed quiet..because we're better than that. :) BOOYA! 

Also..someone posted on facebook..."Please do not refer to the teams in the Super Bowl as "us" or "we" unless you play for either the Packers or Steelers. YOU don't "got this" because you're not on the team. Thank you."

My response?? " We.we.we.we.we.we.we.we.we! We won the superbowl..and WE will win the nba finals. Because WE as fans..are what makes the sport. WE. So....ill keep saying it...WE." We won Sofie. :)

Love..Love..Love...

-Linda Cruz

Day 36. Still life #3.

Sweets...sweets..and more sweets. Today's photo is from the home of my friend's mother's friend..Chris. Her house was beautiful. and this was the place of Angelica's and Andrew's baby shower. Everything came out so beautiful..from the cupcakes..to the water accents...to the chocolate dipped fortune cookies....to the vibe in itself. Everyone was so down to earth and so humble. I'm pretty sure Sofie felt loved. (Sofie is yet inside of Angelica) Overall..today was a success. and i CANNOT wait to meet Sofie!! <33

I'm so thankful i went to day. AMAZING!!

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz


p.s. the cake in the middle with the chocolate curls and ribbon was made by yours truly!! :)

These are Sofie's parents. :)

Day 35. One shot. One photo.

Today's photo was a one shot photo. Meaning i didn't choose this photo out of various other ones taken today..it was just a one shot one chance day. So I had to think what i wanted..where.. and what way I wanted it portrayed. My models were Dennis and Omar..and I believe they did pretty lovely. 
They compliment each other nicely.


<33

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 34. Superstition/Bad luck?

'He that is afraid of bad luck will never know good.'

Is it bad luck to be superstitious?

 Black cats..spilled salt...umbrellas that are opened indoors..bla bla bla...

do you believe?

i don't know if i believe in any kind of luck.

Most of the time..i think we just make things happen. Good OR bad.

That is all.

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz

Day 33. Fire Hydrant

'Sometimes I feel like a fire hydrant looking at a pack of dogs'

 

I completely felt this quote today. ironic.

Sunny day..blue skies..and ohh about 16 degrees FREEZING..funny how the weather is up here..

unpredictable..just like us.

Love..Love..Love..

-Linda Cruz

Day 32. Someones thoughts..

Thoughts could be expressed in various ways..from the power of the tongue..to photography..video..but my most favorite..is through actual writing..

Ever get a paper and just write every single thought down..as if you're draining your complete head in some hope to empty it and feel better?

or not even better..but feel SOMETHING?? Here is my interpretation of someone's thoughts..these are my brother Adrian's. Though hard to read..the few words i could depict..make me understand the feeling..

"i dont feel like i should have to chase something that is not there..but i do feel the need to find out for myself those things that i feel"- Adrian Cruz

Reminds me of New Order's song.."Blue Monday" ..

'And I still find it so hard
To say what I need to say
But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me
Just how I should feel today'

I love him. 

Love..Love..Love

-Linda Cruz